Put your damn phone away!

Put your damn phone away! 

I say this to myself at least 10 times a day; my subconscious reaches the conscious to tell me that what i’m doing is ultimately destructive. Time-consuming, maddening, saddening; I could go on and on with words that describe my countless hours spent scrolling miles and miles on my phone. Closing an app, reopening the same app -- mindless. SAD! 

I really think our phones are cool and they do a lot of really beneficial things for us. We can pull up music anytime we want, we can listen to a book or a podcast when we might otherwise be sitting in silence. We can check in with a loved one with a simple text message or FaceTime. But let’s be honest, we’re all not really doing that as much as we should, despite how easy it is. 

There are things we probably couldn’t do in our professional lives without one. I have to clock in and out every day at work through an app on my phone (i’m sure there’s a desktop app, but for this example that really doesn’t matter). I couldn’t get anywhere in San Francisco, or anywhere in the world, probably, if I didn’t have an app that shows me where everything is. 

I know everyone is saying this, shouting this: “smartphones are bad” in one way or another. While they’re not all bad, I definitely see something harmful about my habit of staring into the bright screen for hours on end (actually it’s always on night mode because i care about my eyesight, thank you very much). This morning I sat down with a cup of coffee, The New Yorker, like one does, and my phone, because it is always with me. As the steam rises out of my coffee cup and the slick pages of the magazine slide open, it’s the silent phone sitting on my thigh that I feel an urge to look at. The sun is shining outside, large bay windows open to a backyard with palm trees, and I can see the small sliver of the waning moon among the wispy clouds floating across a deep blue sky. All of this, along with a nice reclining chair, has the prerequisites for a wonderful Sunday morning. But... my phone... Instagram, Facebook, Mail (yes I impulsively check my email, and I don’t email people). I don’t really like Facebook or have the app on my phone but nonetheless, I find myself opening Safari and typing facebook.com into the browser just to see what is new. But what is “new” is dumb articles that aren’t really about anything true and people reposting the latest Fail Army video. All it does is annoy me once I’m on the site but it’s seriously just an impulse. I don’t even have to think to do it. I open Instagram again. I’ve seen these photos, but the algorithm puts them in a nice new order with a smattering of ads designed to make me want things I shouldn’t buy. The ads work, and now not only am I wishing I had more followers or wondering how I can make better work and do better writing and create better art, but I’m really considering buying this chore coat that I really don’t need.  

These are the reasons that compel me get out my computer to write this down. My phone is still next to me and I literally have to throw it across the room to stop the urge of opening it to mindlessly *throws phone* and scroll some more. Sure, Instagram makes me want to make better art and create more. But I just find myself harboring jealousy for people I don’t even know and a tinge of anger towards people I know and love who seem to be doing it better than me. It fuels a rage inside me while also feeding a meal high in saturated fats and envy to the demon that tells me I’m not good enough. Instagram #inspo doesn’t really lead me to any action. There has to be sheer willpower to put the phone down and do the work. I’m terrible at doing the work. Do the work. Do the work. Do the work. I’m saying this just to remind myself what I’m doing right now. Even as I type this, deep down in my mind, I’m wondering if there are any notifications on my screen that I haven’t seen yet. Texts, likes, tags, fucking VENMO transactions. Jeez. I seriously will settle for any sort of validation these days. PLUS, half the time people tag me, I just criticize myself for looking chubby at that angle or having a dumb grin on my face. And it’s all because that “validation” is really right there in front of me 2 hours and 37 minutes a day, according to Apple’s fun new Screen Time calculator - thanks a ton for that one btw. 

But we all know this isn’t real validation. I’m preaching to the choir. I don’t know something we don’t all know here. Or is it real validation? Validation shouldn’t come in the form of a notification on my phone, but it really just does. It does! I’m sad to say it, but I feel better when I look at my phone and see that someone has texted or even thought about me for a split second. But often, that’s literally all it is. A split second. It only takes .2 milliseconds to like a photo on Instagram, and let’s be honest, most of us can be a bit cavelier with our likes anyway. That doesn’t mean that @soandso really liked my photo. Maybe they did, but still, what does a like mean anyway? Cool pic? I’ve been there before? Your handle is a name I recognize so I’ll like the photo? 

My phone is my biggest vice, and that says a lot coming from someone with such an addictive personality. I’m maybe being harsh on myself here, but I really need to start forgetting to take that thing places if I want to get into a healthier headspace (not an ad). I need to stop thinking about being validated and just be myself. Get better. Do the work. Do the work. Maybe you’ve has felt this same way. Let’s try to get our Screen Time metrics to go down, and our literal facetime metrics up. If you see me on my phone seriously don’t be afraid to shout at me: 

Put your damn phone away!