Summer Time
What’s up amigos?
Memorial Day Weekend is upon us, and as you may have noticed good ole Mother Earth has tilted on its axis after having a few too many Four Loko Golds and summer is back baby! Feel the UV rays on your skin, throw some new sunnies on your face and some new Shiners in the YETI (ad), and get ready for the season. As a B-list influencer I’m here to set you on a few trends that I personally guarantee will get at least one (1) person to make out with you this summer or I will make out with you myself.
1.Short shorts
That’s right it’s time to bust out the 5 inch inseams cause we are showing some skin this summer fellas.
“But Chris,” you say forlorn, “short shorts make my legs look weird I am gonna stick with wearing my JNCO’s.”
Have you seen me? I am a 6’5”(humblebrag) walking version of one of those inflatable mascots flapping in the wind outside a used car dealership. Short shorts are for everyone and you can bet your sunburned thighs I’ll be rocking mine all summer with a cold brew in hand.
2. Above ground pools.
In-ground pools are for the weak and the timid. We’re all buying one of these for $49.99 at Walmart and sticking that sumbitch right in the front yard for all to see. There’s no better way to let everyone know that you take summer seriously.
3. Gas station cowboy hats
If you own a Stetson I want you to stop reading this right now and go throw that shit in the trash. Summer is a season of bargain deals and shade and you won’t find a better combination of the two than a classic straw cowboy hat from your local Shell station. Find yourself one with a snug elastic band for your next float down the Guadalupe.
4. White Claw
Summer is about looking good and feeling good, so slip one of these fruity low-cal bad boys into your favorite koozie to keep it toned and tipsy at your stepdad’s annual BBQ. Claw down baby!
5. Sunscreen
Enjoy summer responsibly. See y’all out there.
