Hey folks. Jack Keith here. Do me a favor - read the title real quick if you didn’t already get a chance. If you don’t click on almostfriday.org for sh*t like this then you have absolutely no reason to be on this website. This post is all about dragon energy. If that bothers you then do not scroll down, or, unless you’re reading this on a Kindle, your eyes will probably dissolve from the sheer visceral magnitude of ’fits that Jeff Goldblum is getting off, and I will not be liable because as far as the State of Texas Judicial System knows I don’t legally exist.

Alright, safety warnings aside, let’s get to the pitch: Jeff Goldblum. Sure you remember him from Jurassic Park. But there’s more! Jeff Goldblum is of course a beloved actor, but did you know he’s also a staple Jazz musician? He runs with The Mildred Snitzer Orchestra, who plays weekly in Los Angelos. He described his first time hearing certain jazz chords as “delicious”, which is something only a maniac or a handsome savant would say. You be the judge. Jeff is also a spritely father of two, and a husband; definitely worth celebrating: Emilie Livingston, Jeff’s spouse, is an Olympic gymnast! If any of you can get me to one of their dinner parties I would repay the favor ten fold. My dinner contribution would be 15 Bloomin’ Onions and I would probably be kicked out, but I would savor every second. Anyways, Jeff Goldblum is an American Treasure. And unless you’ve been under a rock with no WiFi, then he’s probably also your zaddy.

Need convincing? Stick around. But first, doddle on over to your floor length mirror, or stand on a stool in the bathroom or something if you’re from the Cambrian era and don’t own a floor length mirror, and give yourself the old up-down. Now I want you to formulate a critique of your aesthetic, and then immediately Men-in-Black-vaporize that sh*t, because it doesn’t matter: you look so much less bad*ss than Jeff Goldblum it’s laughable. If you had to square up with a velociraptor it would definitely eat you with Crystal Louisiana Hot Sauce. Jeff Goldblum would subdue it with a flip-flop, and he would do it while wearing an experimental Prada trench coat that is technically the property of the Milanese government. But I don’t mean to be comparative, I only mean to point to my man JG as a person we all can look to as a good example of self care, following one’s dreams, and dinosaur combat. Let’s springboard off of Jeff’s mojo and take life by the horns!

Usually I’ve got more to say to the Keith Hive, but I was recently bitten by a bad*ss king cobra that I bought for a house party and part of my recovery regimen is sleeping at least 19 hours a day, which leaves me little time to write. That’s just par for the course for the Big Dog. C'est la vie. In lieu of my personal extra written wisdom, I’ve decided to curate the hardest hitting Jeff Goldblum snaps of all time. Below you’ll find a gallery of his best ‘fits, classic photos, big roles, and even a gigantic statue in his likeness - but mostly his best ‘fits. A big nod to Andrew Vottero, Jeff Goldblum’s stylist, for breathing the topic of this article into existence - and many of the photos below are from his Instagram story. Thanks Andrew 😘. Tip for maximum Goldblum, tap a photo’s edge for the next pic in gallery if viewing on a smart phone, and click or use arrows if on a computer 😉.Without further ado: the visual wisdom of Jeff Goldblum.