I get hundreds of pieces of fan mail a day. Most of these are from people interested in becoming my apprentice (I do not do this sort of thing) or asking me to mentor their wayward children (I do this but I charge far more money for it than is reasonable), but the second largest category of fan mail is about the dog-content industry. No joke. You, the reader, has become so aggressively aware of the trite staleness of dog-related content on the web that you bought some postage and wrote me about it.

You’re tired of the same things over and over again. Zilker Bark. Cute Emergency. We Rate Dogs. The constant drivel from Buzzfeed. Whatever. It’s all the same, homogenous stream of adorable “puppers” “doing a concern” or giving a piglet a ride to a cotton candy machine or some other lame sh*t.

I already know that you, as a member of the “Jack Keith Readership™️”, aren’t “cute” or “boopable”, you’re bad*ss as h*ll and do cool sh*t like pop wheelies all day and you want to get your dog-content how you live BABY.

So it follows: in the spirit of you, the reader, I am proud to present a project I’ve spent literally tens of thousands of dollars perfecting, my love letter to you:

tencoolestdogs.com

Now if you clicked that link and were able to wrestle your attention away from the Infinite Jest-like premium content that is tencoolestdogs.com, then you have proven your commitment to my Pulitzer Prize level writing in this post and earned yourself a bonus dog. That’s right. Strap in, because you’re about to see an Almost Friday exclusive “Cool Dog”":

A dog that can fly lol! That’s so sick. I bet everyone wants to be friends with this dog so they can go cool places. If this dog was my dog I’d want it to fly me to Cabo to ride jet skis cause that would be totally sick for sure! Haha JK but frfr 🤪.

Oh and don’t forget to smash that follow button!!!