The Adult Spectrum
Do you consider yourself an adult? Most people reading this, if you aren’t my parents, are millennials in their mid20’s and the answer to this question is not so clear. Some of us might party like we are still in college while others might have an occasional glass of wine with a nice charcuterie board during their weekly book club. Some of us may be searching for the love of our life on dating apps or church community groups while others are happily married and haven’t hung out with or spoken to a single person that is not their significant other since their wedding day. The reason this question is not so easy to answer is because most of us fall somewhere in between. Like most things in life, the answer is not black and white. Life is a spectrum and so is adulthood.
I became really interested in the idea of spectrums, and where my friends fall on these invisible lines about a year ago. The first idea that came to mind centered around adulthood. Most people can name their most adult friend and their most immature friend, but I wanted to devise a way to put some hard evidence on some graphs. I shelled out the cash for a Survey Monkey subscription and put together a test to definitively figure it out. I blasted the survey to a few GroupMe’s and put it on my IG story and got a fairly decent response.
I figure listing out where everyone falls is a little boring. So I have written the survey questions below and included the most and least adult answers to give everyone an idea of the spectrum we are working with for each question. I won’t divulge who answered what because that is confidential. (You’re secrets are safe with me).
Side Note: I’m not going to lie and pretend I didn't contemplate signing all of you up for dating profiles. Or better yet, creating my own dating algorithm and setting those of you that are single up with your most similar and most opposite partner. I am still contemplating this and it may or may not be a future article. We’ll see. I definitely plan on doing more spectrum surveys if everyone doesn’t hate me after this one.
Let’s get to the questions!
1. How many meme accounts do you follow on Instagram?
Most Adult: 0
Least Adult: 20
2. What time do you typically go to bed on weeknights?
Most Adult: 9:00 PM
Least Adult: 2:00 AM
3. What time do you typically go to bed on weekends?
Most Adult: 10:30 PM
Least Adult: 5:00 AM
4. What time do you typically wake up on the weekdays?
Most Adult: 5:00 AM
Least Adult: 9:30 AM
5. What time do you typically wake up on Weekends?
Most Adult: 6:30 AM
Least Adult: 1:00 PM
6. How many farmers markets do you attend a month?
Most Adult: 5
Least Adult: 0
7. Are you married?
Most Adult: Yes
Least Adult: No
8. How many alcoholic beverages do you enjoy a week?
Most Adult: 0
Least Adult: 30
9. What is your ideal Saturday morning?
Most Adult: Finishing a house project with only one trip to Home Depot
Least Adult: Rip my fucking juul babyy
Most common: Wake up make coffee jog brunch
10. What's the best movie you have seen in the last 3 months?
Most Adult: Roma
Least Adult: Dragon Ball Z Super: Broly
11. What's the best book you have read in the last 6 months?
Most Adult: Picasso and the Painting That Shocked the World
Least Adult: I hate reading
12. What is your average daily screen time over the last week?
Most Adult: 1 Hour
Least Adult: 6 hours and 45 minutes
13. How many times do you schedule 1v1 hangouts with a friend a week?
Most Adult: 5
Least Adult: 0
14. How many times have you been to barbs in 2019? (Barbs is a bar in Houston and Austin that is fun and wild)
Most Adult: 0
Least Adult: 5 times, that place is the epitome of hell smothered in heaven. I’ve never felt more freedom than at barbs; i’ve Also never been beat up anywhere else so I got that going for me. Set it in stone
15. How many roommates do you have?
Most Adult: 0 or 1 (married)
Least Adult: 6
16. Do you share a room?
Most Adult: Yes ( Married)
Least Adult: Yes (Not married)
17. How much time do you spend playing video games a week?
Most Adult: 0 hours
Least Adult: 15 hours
18. Do you pay for your own Netflix account?
Side note: Only 13 people pay for Netflix. How is that company in business?
Most Adult: Yes or I don’t have a Netflix Account
Least Adult: No
19. How many plants do you own?
Most Adult: I have a produce garden ??
Least Adult: 0
20. What would you do if someone gave you $500 and you had to spend it?
Most Adult: Buy a Miter Saw; Buy a handgun; Invest it
Least Adult: Put it in Bovada and play blackjack
21. How often do you wash your towel?
Most Adult: I have more than one towel!
Least Adult: Once a month.
22. What percentage of the deposit did you get back at the last house you rented?
Most Adult: My credit is good so I didn’t have to pay a deposit.
Least Adult: 0
23. How many pillows do you have on your bed?
Most Adult: 11
Least Adult: 1
24. How many miles do you run a week?
Most Adult: 35
Least Adult: 0 running is for peasants. Unless I’m running late and then I run. So maybe 1-2 lol
25. When was the last time you blacked out?
Most Adult: Never!
Least Adult: In the last week
26. How many Happy Hours do you go to a week?
Most Adult: 2
Least Adult: 0
27. Name some slang that you don’t identify with even a little?
Most Adult: I dont know slang
Least Adult: Ligma?
28. When was the last time you went to the dentist?
Most Adult: Within the year
Least Adult: Idk lmfao
A couple caveats about the quiz: I wanted to make many of the questions open-ended to see what y’all would say but this made it extremely difficult to score uniformly. The results of this quiz are 100% subjective and completely determined by my view of adulthood. That being said, the results of this quiz are also 100% objective and should not be disputed in any way. Alright, now let’s get to the results!
Name Adulthood Score
Ehi 29.48
Maggie Jacobsen 30.98
Matthew E. Andrews I 39.88
Jonah Jacobsen 41.74
Jobra 41.74
Zach Barrera 43.75
Eric Fox 43.89
Jack D. 45.57
Li mf Quan 45.83
Cullen 47.33
Vic Vong 47.45
Christopher Ormiston 47.78
Jonathan Hadden 49.07
Austin Davis 49.43
Tim Hagen 50.34
Topher 50.81
david arthur stimson 51.21
Megan Edwards 52.16
Peter Middleton 52.49
Jackson Peoples 52.84
Max Mazan 52.95
Geena Sandbar 53.36
Chad Werner 53.71
Uzair 54.02
Winston Tri 54.37
Mark Stenberg 55.21
Caleb Freund 55.80
Brandon Leatherwood 55.81
Hanna Kuhn 56.80
Tyler Bradford 58.45
Michael Tyler 58.67
Keith Nelson 59.18
Danielle Docherty 61.15
Demeris Burritt 61.62
Jesse Jacobsen 61.95
Dorothy Hino 62.86
Clayton Wall 62.90
Megan Coder 63.59
Paige Harle 64.03
Bri Barnett 64.64
Spencer Bontrager 65.30
Mandy White 65.42
Anna Craft 65.47
Gerardo Aleman 65.80
Kayli Jacobsen 65.81
JEZZŸ Murillo 65.99
Hannah Jones 67.84
Alli Hankins 67.93
Aaron Terrill 68.16
Andrea Kathol 69.49!!!!
Sam Banach 70.71
Josh Banwart 72.06
Matthew Carlin 72.99
No B or C? It’s a trap. 74.98
Jeph McQuitty 75.57
Owen Rauckman 76.69
Emily Murray 79.18
Bryce Strauss 89.84
